Trans* Sex guide
So we are rarely taught about trans* sex. Now sex in general is about pleasure and that is the core concept for all sex, but sometimes in trans* relationships there are some other aspects rarely ever touched upon that really should be brought up.
Your intentions
Sometimes trans* people are turned into a fetish. Now having said that I am going to make it clear that having a fetish isn't a bad thing, but trans* people are human beings and you shouldn't have sex with a trans* person simply because you want a "certain experience" or because you want to forfill a particular fetish. Sex is about pleasure and respect and trans* people deserve respect. When you have sex with a trans* person be sure that it is for the right reasons.
Talking before the fact
So it is really important to talk about what you all are into before you get in bed. So you all need to talk about things you are and aren't into because everyone has those things. Now here I am more so going to focus on some of the stuff that really should come up in relationships involving trans* person(s). So be sure to make this conversation about pleasure and not what parts they have. Ask about what they do and do not like and try not to flat out bring up the topic about being trans* (talk about awkward). Maybe even open up about yourself first and state some stuff you don't like and then ask them about stuff they don't like. Set boundaries and really work hard on respecting them. Also be sure to be aware of pronouns. If you don't know just ask! Try to remember them as well (nothing kills the mood more than misgendering!).
Now there is this thing called gender dysphoria that far too many trans* people have to deal with. Gender dysphoria is in a simplistic form basically when trans* people experience high levels of stress, discomfort, and anxiety with body parts that they posess that do not match their gender. Now not every trans* person has gender dysphoria and there can be all different sorts of gender dysphoria and it can manifest in different ways as well. Some people with their dysphoria don't want certain parts of their body touched (this should be covered in the part about what you all do and don't like). Sometimes trans* people call their parts in different things and make sure you pay attention to what they prefer to call theirs. For example some trans women may refer to their junk as a "clit" while other trans woman may refer to their's as a "dick." Also their are plenty of prosthetics that can aid in sex too! Some stuff can include strap-ons, breast forms, ect. Sometimes trans* people also refer to those prosthetics as their own parts too. Like for example one trans man may refer to it as a "strap-on" and another trans man may refer to it as their "penis" and respect that. Some words such as "pretty" or "handsome" are also commonly used in particular genders and certain gender related words like that may be triggering to someone's gender dysphoria. Also slurs such as "sl*t," "tr*nny,* he-she, ect. can be super offensive and should only ever be used if specifically requested by your partner(s). Just be sure to know what everyone is and isn't into and just prepare to be safe and have fun!
Now there is this thing called gender dysphoria that far too many trans* people have to deal with. Gender dysphoria is in a simplistic form basically when trans* people experience high levels of stress, discomfort, and anxiety with body parts that they posess that do not match their gender. Now not every trans* person has gender dysphoria and there can be all different sorts of gender dysphoria and it can manifest in different ways as well. Some people with their dysphoria don't want certain parts of their body touched (this should be covered in the part about what you all do and don't like). Sometimes trans* people call their parts in different things and make sure you pay attention to what they prefer to call theirs. For example some trans women may refer to their junk as a "clit" while other trans woman may refer to their's as a "dick." Also their are plenty of prosthetics that can aid in sex too! Some stuff can include strap-ons, breast forms, ect. Sometimes trans* people also refer to those prosthetics as their own parts too. Like for example one trans man may refer to it as a "strap-on" and another trans man may refer to it as their "penis" and respect that. Some words such as "pretty" or "handsome" are also commonly used in particular genders and certain gender related words like that may be triggering to someone's gender dysphoria. Also slurs such as "sl*t," "tr*nny,* he-she, ect. can be super offensive and should only ever be used if specifically requested by your partner(s). Just be sure to know what everyone is and isn't into and just prepare to be safe and have fun!
Safety Stuff
Be sure to cover all the safety stuff as well so that your fun time doesn't go wrong. Are you planning on using any barriers (condoms, dental dams, ect.) and if so who is responisble for purchasing them? If you all are thinking about experimenting with BDSM do you know the safe way to do it? This includes safety words, being prepared with everything, knowing what is and isn't groovy, how to be safe with everything, and all this stuff you all should research before going into it. Is everyone involved tested for STDs and STIs? If one of you is HIV-positive how will that impact your sex? All of this should be addressed even if your partner isn't trans*.
Communication in bed and after
Remember how I said respect is part of sex? Well it is a huge part. In bed be sure to keep in touch (pun not intended) and check in on each other from time to time. Simple questions like "Does this feel good?" and "Do you want me to _?" can go a long way. Sex is about pleasure and we don't any uncomfort to occur. Maybe you all would want to create a code as well such as a safe word when things are getting a little too intense or anything else. Just because someone said they were cool with something before doesn't mean they cannot change their mind. You may want to be particularly mindful of this when in bed with a trans* person and especially a trans* person that struggles with gender dysphoria.
Now it is also important to talk about everything after sex. Maybe there was something that one of you didn't find okay that you want to make sure won't happen next time and maybe there is something that you want to try more of. Whatever it is go over the sex and even if you all decide there's not much to talk about because everything went great then yay you know you can do more of that next time. Sex is great and being safe, being respectful, and knowing what's up is a totally awesome way of making sure that it all goes great!
Now it is also important to talk about everything after sex. Maybe there was something that one of you didn't find okay that you want to make sure won't happen next time and maybe there is something that you want to try more of. Whatever it is go over the sex and even if you all decide there's not much to talk about because everything went great then yay you know you can do more of that next time. Sex is great and being safe, being respectful, and knowing what's up is a totally awesome way of making sure that it all goes great!
Some more sex talks:
"8 Tips on Respectfully Talking Pleasure, Sex, and Bodies With Your Trans Lover." Everyday Feminism. N.p., 16 Dec. 2014. Web. 28 July 2015.
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/8-tips-on-respectfully-talking-pleasure-sex-and-bodies-with-your-trans-lover
"Birth Control." Dental Dam. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 July 2015.
http://www.sexualityandu.ca/stis-stds/how_do_i_protect_myself_from_stis_stds/dental_dam
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/8-tips-on-respectfully-talking-pleasure-sex-and-bodies-with-your-trans-lover
"Birth Control." Dental Dam. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 July 2015.
http://www.sexualityandu.ca/stis-stds/how_do_i_protect_myself_from_stis_stds/dental_dam